There seems to be a character or moral crisis in the United States today. The lack of moral character, integrity, principles and standards among many of the people in the United States is a big problem. The moral decay of a society in which greed, selfishness, self centered and self entitled attitudes and anti-social behavior seems to be a rapid problem among a large mass of the adult population and among adult leaders. Such character, attitude and behavior issues as laziness, irresponsibility, unreliability, undependability, dishonesty, insincerity, non genuineness, aggressiveness, pushiness, overbearing, dictatorial,controlling,caustic, backstabbing, critical, know it all, jealous, ego driven, manipulative, abusive, extreme behavioral and anti-social tendencies and problems and major character flaws make people very difficult, challenging, frustrating, toxic, stressful and disappointing to deal with and people who are anti-social, toxic, unsafe, dangerous, incompetent, unreliable and untrustworthy.
What does it take to be a successful or effective leader? being competent is one quality one must have to be an effective leader. You must know what you are doing. You must have some knowledge and understanding of the profession or field you are in and the type of work you do and the position you hold. You must have some solid skills and knowledge of the type of work you do. You must also have the desire and willingness to want to continue to learn, improve and grow both personally and professionally. You must be willing to try your best and strive for a standard of excellence.
However, being competent in your work and professional career does not make you an effective and successful leader. It may help you be competent in your specific position, work and profession and will help you be a competent leader at some level and degree. Having knowledge of leadership and leadership principles, practices or skills does not make you an effective leader. Applying and using those principles, practices, skills and your understanding and knowledge of leadership will make you a more successful and effective leader.
To be an effective and successful leader one must be credible, authentic, and trustworthy. To be an effective leader one must have both competency and character. An effective leader is someone who is trusted by others and is seen as someone who is trustworthy and credible. To be trusted by others and to lead successfully and effectively one must be competent but they must also be honest and trustworthy. An effective leader is honest, sincere, trustworthy and acts upon their principles, convictions and beliefs. They make decisions based on matters of principles and what is right. They make decisions and act upon shared values and principles of a group of people they lead. They are honest, principled, ethical and moral. They have strong moral values and beliefs. They act upon those moral principles all the time. They have strong beliefs they stand up for. They do what is right for the common good. They have goodness and strength of character. They have a high degree of personal integrity. To be a successful and effective leader you must lead with integrity. You must also deal with people and treat others with integrity and respect. To lead successfully one must have high standards for which they act upon with consistency. Your words and deeds must be in concert with each other. You must walk the talk. You must act upon the beliefs you say you have. You must do what you say to be seen as credible and someone who can be trusted and to be successfully at leading others. You must be a person of character.
To be a successful and effective leader you must also have a positive attitude. You have to have hope. You must be open to change and willing to adapt and adjust to change. You must be open to new ideas and be able to recognize and value great ideas this includes great ideas coming from other people. You must have a positive attitude towards other people, their contributions, achievements and successes as well as towards their mistakes and failures. You must maintain a positive attitude and a attitude of hope and optimism in spite of facing and dealing with struggles, setbacks and problems. You must have a positive, hopeful and optimistic attitude towards the present and towards the future.
To be an effective and successful leader one must be a good communicator. They must have the ability to communicate with others individually and among a group of people. They must also be an effective listener. An effective leader listens to people. They are active listeners. They listen well. They listen with the intent to learn and to understand. They also listen with empathy. Successful leaders are great persuaders.
Effective and successful leaders have the ability to motivate and inspire others. They encourage others. They have a high belief towards others. They help instill self confidence in others. They believe in others. They trust others. They believe in others even when others fail or make mistakes or even before they have proven themselves. Successful leaders place a high value on others. They show that they value others by their words and actions. They respect others. They are supportive of others and of their contributions, abilities and talents. Effective leaders inspire others and lift others up. They do what they can to help others succeed and grow. They mentor, teach and coach others. They contribute towards other people’s personal and professional growth and development this includes the people they lead.
Effective and successful leaders have a servant heart and attitude. They have a strong belief towards serving and helping other people. They do what they can to be of help and service to others even towards the people they lead. They also get involved and do whatever they can to serve a cause, and a shared vision and purpose and goal. A successful leader has humility. They do not allow their own, selfishness, jealousy, ego or self pride to get in their way towards serving, helping and leading others in a positive and significant ways and having a positive impact and influence on others.
Successful leaders are people of great influence. They have a strong ability at having a positive influence and impact on other people and their lives. They place a high value and worth on other people. They build people up rather than tear them down.
Successful leaders have the ability to develop a shared vision and able to communicate that vision in such a way in which they are able to get everyone on board in helping to commit towards supporting and achieving such a shared vision.
Successful leaders help create, foster, maintain, sustain and manage a healthy, positive, respectful, affirming, ethical and supportive environment, climate and culture in which everyone feels respected, supported and valued and in which people can contribute, learn, grow, succeed and thrive.
Successful and effective leaders care about other people including the people they work with and the people they lead. They show others they care about them by their words as well as by their actions. Effectively leaders love others. They show love to others by their deeds and actions.
Effective leaders know that to lead others successful and to bring out the best in others you must care about them. You must believe in them. You must encourage them. You must respect them. You must love them.
The reasons why I rather work with young people are the following:
1. My Unique Calling and Purpose.
2. Young People’s Idealism
3. Young People desire and seek authentic communities and groups.
4. Young People trust those who are real and genuine.
5. Young People’s imagination, creativity, playful and fun loving spirits, attitudes,and energy.
6. Young People’s kindness, trusting and spiritual nature.
7. Young People’s potential. It is much more easier to teach young people than adults and young people tend to reach their potential, learn and develop a lot easier and quicker and much more difficult to retrain adults.
8. My desire and purpose to help transform and enrich the lives of young people and to help equip and prepare them to live healthy, productive,successful, significant and purpose filled lives and to become people of integrity and moral excellence and to be leaders of today and of tomorrow.
9. To help young people overcome the hardships and problems in their lives.
10. To use my past hardships and negative experiences to help young people as well as my God Given strengths to help them. To show them how to overcome the hardships, pains and sufferings and how one can grow and make changes through their hardships.
11. Opportunities to Inspire them to greatness and to live great lives and lives of purpose.
12. To be a positive role model that enrich and inspire them and cares about them and loves them.
I have come to a deeper awareness of my Self and the uniqueness of who I am and how God created me. I have discovered the gifts, abilities and talents that God is given me. I have come to understand my positive qualities, characteristics and behaviors as well as weaknesses. I also have learned what my values, beliefs, passions and interests are and what inspires and motivates me from within. I know what makes me happy, joyful, inspired, encouraged, sad, and angry. I know what motivates these emotions and the values that are aligned and connected with such values and beliefs. I have a better understanding of myself and the love and respect I have for myself and knowing the Love God has for me. This is a healthy form of self love and self respect I have for myself. I have discovered by more than one person who have mentioned to me the kind, caring, sensitive, sincere heart and soul I have. I am by nature a friendly, kind, caring, sensitive, sincere, honest, real, warm, easygoing, carefree, lighthearted, cheerful person who often means what I say and say what I mean and do what I mean and say. I am courageous enough to stand up for what I believe and will refuse to go along with the crowd and do what is wrong just to please or appease others or to belong. I am unwilling to compromise my beliefs and own integrity and will refuse to cooperate with evil and immoral intentions and the actions of others. A close friend of mine who I consider a person of great spiritual maturity and is a fellow brother Christian who has a gentle soul shared with me recently that he senses and feels that I have good sound wisdom than most people, and I have a spiritual gift of discernment and a understanding of people and human nature. He also senses my sensitivity and kind and caring nature. I appreciated the comments he said about me and he knows the negative experiences and hardships I have gone through with people in the past.
There are reasons why I am able to connect so well with young people and able to help impact themselves and their lives in positive ways and have the ability to influence themselves and their lives for the good. It is often how I engage and interact with them and treat them. It is not only what I do, it has a lot to do with who I am. It is also the Holy Spirit within me and the kind and sincere heart I have. It is about who He is the Lord who made me and what He is doing through me and how He created me. The experience that young people have when they interact with me is one that is positive. They say that you can tell a lot about a person in how they interact with children.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is characterized by a long-standing pattern of grandiosity, an overwhelming need for admiration, and usually a complete lack of empathy toward others. People with this disorder often believe they are of primary importance in everybody’s life or to anyone they meet. While this pattern of behavior may be appropriate for a king in 16th Century England, it is generally considered inappropriate for most ordinary people today.
People with narcissistic personality disorder often display snobbish, or patronizing attitudes.
In laypeople terms, someone with this disorder may be described simply as a “narcissist” or as someone with “narcissism.” Both of these terms generally refer to someone with narcissistic personality disorder.
Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In order for a person to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) they must meet five or more of the following symptoms:
- Has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)
- Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
- Believes that he or she is “special” and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)
- Requires excessive admiration
- Has a very strong sense of entitlement, e.g., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations.
- Is exploitative of others, e.g., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends
- Lacks empathy, e.g., is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others
- Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her
- Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes
As with all personality disorders, the person must be at least 18 years old before they can be diagnosed with it.
Narcissistic personality disorder is more prevalent in males than females, and is thought to occur in less than 1 percent in the general population.
Like most personality disorders, narcissistic personality disorder typically will decrease in intensity with age, with many people experiencing few of the most extreme symptoms by the time they are in the 40s or 50s.
I believe a large percentage of the adult population in the United States today have some type of anti-social personality and character disorders such as Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Boarder Line Personality Disorder and Sociopathic Personality Disorder. I believe Anti-social behavior is a big problem in the United States Culture and Society and among the adult population. Anti-behavior has a significant damaging and destructive impact and affect on society, its communities, institutions and human relationships, connections and interdependence and on the welfare and well being of other people. When a society has a major problem with Anti-social behaviors among its population a society will begin to fall a part. Unhealthy forms of ongoing conflicts, tension, dysfunction, chaos, evil, moral decay and corruption is the result and outcome. The type of social problems that are created by such prevalence of anti-social behavior in a society is immorality and moral decay and decline, incivility, the disrespectful treatment and devaluing of other people, abuse, aggression and crime. The prevalence of bullying, aggressive, pushy, overbearing, manipulative, domineering, controlling and irresponsible behavior as well as selfish, self centered, self entitled and arrogant attitudes are some of the characteristics and signs of anti-social behavior that is prevalent in U.S. Society and among a larger of its population of people and is also a sign of a society and of people that has become selfish and immoral.
The common themes or patters and characteristics of those who have anti-social personality disorders are the following: selfish and self centered, lack of empathy, care and compassion for others, lack of showing consideration, care, concern and respect for others, lack of remorse, shame or guilt, lack of accepting responsibility for their own actions and the harm they cause others, will never apologize, are never wrong, blame others frequently and put others down, very argumantive and hostile, manipulative, controlling, aggressive, liars, insincere, and great at deception, a fake, a phony, two faced, back stabber, a user and abusive. They may come across when you first meet them and get to interact with them for some time as being charming, charismatic, and friendly but over time they may reveal their true dark and evil selves. They often treat others either as an object or as an obstacle to exploit, use and take advantage of, to manipulate, dominate, possess, boss around and control, and to cause trouble and to harm and walk all over to get what they want by showing no regard, consideration and respect towards others. They get what they want or try to get ahead and succeed at all costs by walking over and bullying other people. These forms of disrespect and abuse seems to be a major problem in U.S society and among the vast large adult population.
The cause of such anti-social behaviors and personalities often occurs in childhood in which the child received no nurturing and love from any adult, and received no moral education and proper discipline from adult authority figures in their young lives. In other words they have never been held accountable for their own behavior during childhood and during their adult lives. An adult who is anti-social has no self restraint and self control. Their behavior is reckless and erratic and their prevailing mindset is ” that I can do pretty much anything I feel like without any regard to the consequences and impact of ones own actions including the impact ones own actions has on others. Self discipline comes from receiving discipline from others starting in childhood. In U.S. culture, many adults have a lack of self discipline and self control.
Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Matthew 11:28 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose.
When we follow God and follow his plan and purpose for our lives we will experience significance and fulfillment in our lives. Often people in our culture seek success, however, they also seek significance and meaning in their lives. True significance, fulfillment and living a life of success and purpose is dependent on, knowing, following and obeying God’s purpose and vision for our lives. However, knowing and following God’s plan and purpose for our lives is not enough to live a life of significance and purpose. We must also have a personal relationship with Him and we must know Him. In order to know the plans He has for us we must first know Him the one who created us and gave us life. We will only live a life of purpose when we make the choice to know our Lord and to submit to His will and to follow His plan not ours. The vision, dreams, purpose and plan must come from God. God uses us for His purposes. He uses our gifts, strengths and talents to fulfill his destiny and plans He has for our lives. He also uses our weaknesses as well and can turn them into strengths. What each person needs to understand is this. What we do is not dependent on ourselves, it is dependent on the power of the Holy Spirit that is found within each one of us. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13 We live a life of purpose when we allow God to be in control of our lives.
A person of influence is someone who has integrity. They model consistency of character. They walk the talk. They are consistent between what they say, believe and do. They employ honest communications. They are straightforward, honest, sincere, forthright, real and trustworthy. They value transparency. They admit to their mistakes and weaknesses. They exemplify humility. They are not driven by ego, selfishness, jealousy, or the belief that they are better than others. A person of influence also demonstrates support of others. They have the desire to put others first. They embrace an attitude of service. They give of themselves and their time to others. They fulfill their promises and keep their commitments. They encourage two-way participation with the people they influence. A person of influence is reliable, responsible and dependable. They seldom disappoint others since they often and consistently follow through. A person of influence models good character. You don’t really know people until you have observed them when they interact with a child. The manner in which I interact with children is one that is positive and in done in a manner that establishes trust and positive influence with them. Children feel safe, comfortable and secure when they are in my presence because of the way I interact, communicate and engage with them as well as treat them. When people feel comfortable and secure in your presence you will be able to make a positive difference in their lives.
People of influence nurture other people. A nurturer is a giver. They give to others the following: Love, respect, sense of security, recognition, encouragement, hope and a feeling of significance.
People of influence have faith in people. They emphasize others strengths. They believe in others before they have succeeded. They instill confidence in others when they fail. They experience successes together.
People of influence listen to people. People of influence understand people. People of influence enlarge people. They mentor others and help others succeed and grow. They help people become the person they are meant to become. They help invest in the lives and growth of other people. People of influence connect with others.
People of influence add value to the lives of others. We add value to other’s lives by showing we care about them.
When I interact and work with children and teens I do what I can to show that I care about them. I also show interest in them. I understand that young people are often receptive to another person’s influence when we show a sincere interest in them and that we care about them.
Everything you say, do and express must also come from a sense of sincerity, honesty and authenticity. You must mean and believe in what you say, feel and do.